what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
