why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
