how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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