your parents love me but you hate me
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
