and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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