you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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