i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
