Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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