True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
