i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
