I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
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