I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
