i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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