This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize