The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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