I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Can I color on your dick again?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
