your parents love me but you hate me
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
