well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
