you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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