On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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