dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Enjoy the penises
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
