I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
