I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
