if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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