I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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