oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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