So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
