We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
