watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
