I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize