How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
