yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
