I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
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