bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
