I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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