i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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