wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
