shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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