well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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