My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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