Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
