no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Do vagina's smell?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
