I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
