Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize