Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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