God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
