**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
No stitches, just platelets and will power
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
