There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
