I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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