She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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