im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
