No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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