Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wish i was in the wii world.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Someone shattered a urinal.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
