I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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