i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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