my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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