He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
