just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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