the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize