I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize