You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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