his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
