Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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