Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
