He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
