Will you blow on my dice?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
