shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
