I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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