he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
