these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
