My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize