I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
